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Elaine [Jul. 27th, 2006|12:54 am]
dontget2close
[I feel |good and bad]

just to post a quick update
on here instead of myspace...for all of those who dont know...,y beautiful baby daughter was born on July 16th at 6:17 p.m.
The entire story of the birth is in my Myspace blog

Elaine Isabella Shaffer
7 lbs.
21 inches long
july 16 2006

IN YOUR FREAKING FACE EVERYONE WHO SAID "OH MEGAN DOESNT KNOW WHO HER BABY'S DADDY IS" WELL FUCK YOU TAKE ONE LOOK AT MY DAUGHTER AND SHE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE BOBBY SO FOR ALL OF YOU WHO ACCUSED ME OF CHEATING YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN DEAD WRONG...SO HERE I AM LAUGHING IN YOUR FACES FINALLY AFTER 9 MONTHS TO PROVE YOU ALL WRONG...GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
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first update in forever [Jul. 6th, 2006|05:36 pm]
dontget2close
but that's only cause my life took a major backslide and I am positive that no one wants to read entry after entry of bitchy blahness. I am only a week away from having my daughter. Everyday I wake up and think I'm in labor...but it's just the disillusionment of waking from a sleep you never really fell into. You ever have those days? I'm sure you do.
Whoever "you" are. I'm positive no one reads this anymore. I feel like typing through all the hardship though.
And as much as I really really really hate to admit this...

























(I'm not excited)
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(no subject) [May. 14th, 2006|12:46 am]
dontget2close
for anyone who cares, my blog is now on myspace. http://www.myspace.com/dontget2close
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(no subject) [Apr. 16th, 2006|03:34 pm]
dontget2close
I am trying hard to channel my anger and find another way of letting it out other than screaming at Bobby.

It's harder than hell.
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this isn't about me (for once) [Apr. 14th, 2006|02:23 pm]
dontget2close
[I feel |bouncybouncy]
[My ears hear |Mudvayne]

Yes, for once I am not going to bitch about my life.

I'm going to bitch about someone else's life and it's getting on my nerves.

I know somebody who I am not going to name because that would just be pushing it too far. She's a very intelligent person, and I have a lot of respect for her, at least I used to before it seemed like she did a freaking 180 and became someone totally fake. She would never ever question anything her boyfriend says (O God forbid) and I can see through her "genuine happiness" better than a Windexed windowpane. It seems terrible that someone like that could walk around worshipping a guy, doing everything he says, believing everything he says, just to keep him. Man I know my relationship isn't peaches and cream all the time but if I'm unhappy in it, I'll be damned if I'm not going to let it show. I'll yell back, let the tears flow down, do whatever the hell I feel like but I would never beg for forgiveness especially when all I did was be a normal human being with normal emotions.

*breath* New subject - I hate it when people bitch about our government all the time. It seems like that's all I hear lately. "It's all Bush's fault." I don't favor any political party but let me tell you something DAMN IT NO MATTER WHO THE PRESIDENT IS, HE'S GONNA BE THE SCAPEGOAT FOR EVERY DAMN ? PROBLEM IN AMERICA, SO JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!! Bush? Oh of COURSE it's all his fault, he runs the country!! Well fuck if Kerry would have won and been in office, then all the problems today would be HIS fault! THINK ABOUT IT YOU FAKE ASS PEOPLE IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT THEN GO LIVE IN ANOTHER FUCKING COUNTRY! Boo hoo, whine whine whine, let me tell you that I can bet a million dollars that if you're even reading this (which means you have "PRECIOUS" internet access) then you have everything you need. All people do is bitch about how bad the government is but I don't see one of those people eating out of the garbage can, sleeping in a shelter, or even buying their own food - half of these little shits live with their parents! GOD GROW THE HELL UP.

The end!!! Hope I pissed you off as much as I am!
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(no subject) [Apr. 13th, 2006|02:02 pm]
dontget2close
[I feel |goodgood]
[My ears hear |the lawnmower]

Not much has been happening over here. I gave Bobby this sweet card last nite...it was only 48 cents at Wal-Mart. We laid down together at 4 a.m. and it was great. Such a welcome change from all the crap lately.

I think at this rate, it will get better.
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note to self [Apr. 10th, 2006|02:45 pm]
dontget2close
reminder for the Commercial show dates:

april 22nd @ the 803 in marion
april 24th @ payne's coffee shop in gas city
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the real me [Apr. 9th, 2006|05:53 pm]
dontget2close
[I feel |contemplativecontemplative]
[My ears hear |The Muffs]



P.S. I used to look this good. What the hell happened to me?
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don't know what i was thinking [Apr. 9th, 2006|05:02 pm]
dontget2close
[I feel |okayokay]
[My ears hear |Ben Folds - "Wandering"]

Maybe I was a little too harsh in that last entry. Too harsh, or too self-pitying. Both, probably. I just get so frustrated in my relationship and maybe i am stupid for staying, but it's so confusing. Sometimes he's just so bruising like that, and other times he's perfectly fine; a charm, even. That's when I really start to question myself and wonder if the problems are all exaggerated in my head. I wish I could get inside of him and see how he really thinks for once. I mean, no holds barred. I don't want any words to make me feel better, I just want the raw, uncensored truth.
I'll update later because as of right now there really isn't anything to say, except...

MAN I WANNA GO TO THE BEN FOLDS SHOW ON THE 12TH MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD! I HATE MY BROKE ASS LIFE.
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the jeremiads of Megan Elizabeth [Apr. 7th, 2006|11:16 pm]
dontget2close
[I feel |enragedenraged]
[My ears hear |the ringing in my ears]

I have to get it all out, even if it means just blogging my head off in a freaking tirade. Man I know I bitch a lot but I am so sick of myself I can hardly stand it and the reason I am sick of it is becuase I never feel good enough for Bobby. I look at all these chicks he checks out on the Internet and I don't look like them at all. He wants to be with someone who wears godawfully sexy "gothic" clothes and I am way too old for him because he is drawn to 15-16 year olds with short sexy hair and who are athiest, agnostic, Pagan or some other "cool" belief system and listens to metal music 24/7 and who has musical talent...look at me people I am a complete opposite of all of that; I have drab hair no matter how I style it, I have Christian beliefs even though everyone throws in my face that I am "not a Christian" even though I do love Jesus and I know that has to embarrass Bobby, I don't like all that mush metal and have no piercings and no musical talent, I am a fat pregnant whale and all I want is to have my body back so I can impress him again. I want him to want me again because he doesn't want me as a caring mother, I know he wants me as a sexy little thing who never cries or gets upset and he told me his feelings have changed and that there was nothing wrong with him in his eyes. I know the problem can't all be with me and if there is someone out there who will make me feel like a real person then please let me know and I am speaking to all the GUYS out there, not girls cause I am not a lez or bi.
Yeah I know that sounds stupid but you have to understand that all I want to be is my normal self again. I want to be as sexy as I can be again so I wish Elaine would hurry up and come out because who is really gonna spend their time drooling over a pregnant woman with swollen legs so she looks crappy in skirts (yeah right like any man would). Personally I don't think I look half bad for gaining 18 pounds cause I still have a great shape and no stretch marks but apparently it's not good enough and I am punished for being like this or something. I hate feeling like a stupid fat retard but hey if you're with Bobby that's how you feel if you're pregnant with his baby. He told me that he has never dumped a girl and they have always dumped him and I was like "Why, because of the way you treat them?" and he was like "No" all shitty. Man all I want is some love, someone to put their arms around me and hug and kiss me but Bobby makes me feel like I am the biggest mistake on earth and that I deserve none of that. Bobby you used to be my one of my best friends -- what happened? Well that concludes my pity party for now.
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